In the Company of Women

A week ago I spent three days in the exclusive company of women. We were celebrating the dwindling bachelorette status of my good friend, Leyna, in the oddly German town of Leavenworth, Washington. I went into the weekend with unconfronted nerves — I mean a houseful of women, most of whom I didn’t know, for three days, sounded like the opening of horror story.

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Things I’m Too Old For at 29

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  1. Late evenings of beer and dancing in wedged heels
  2. Eating McDonald’s or any kind of fast food
  3. Not reading or watching the news
  4. Wearing uncomfortable clothing
  5. Avoiding uncomfortable conversations
  6. Finishing a book that bores me
  7. Keeping quiet when bigots, racists or idiots share their opinions
  8. Staying in one-sided relationships
  9. Stopping my car-dancing because people can see me
  10. Not writing for my blog. (my bad)

Objective: Swagger

Every Sunday, between 9 am and noon, I go to the Walmart on 82nd avenue. It’s a Walmart with a reputation. That might seem like a redundant thing to say about Walmart, but for this one it’s particularly true. It’s not very far away from where we live, just three miles, but in true Portland fashion & I think like most cities, the neighborhoods can shift with just a stop sign. This Walmart is in the beginning section of a not-so-nice part of town. It’s always an adventure, I always go looking for excitement, and I’m usually rewarded, but this last Sunday was completely uneventful, or so I thought. Continue reading

Sex Noises

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Someone asked me to write about a time I had an embarrassing moment in the gym. I really thought about it, and there wasn’t one particular incident that stood out to me, because I embarrass myself every single time I go to the gym. I’m the girl who accidentally knocks her iPhone off the treadmill, which rips the headphones outta my ears and sends the whole kit and caboodle flying across the room. I’m the girl who can’t figure out how to use a machine I’ve used a million times before, so I just walk around it in circles, pulling and grabbing at random levers until someone takes pity on me. I’m the girl who goes over to the bench press and benches only the bar, but grunts and strains like I’m lifting half my weight. I think that might be the most embarrassing thing I do: grunt. Continue reading

Fuzzyhead

IMG_0860It may well be, that for me, 2015 is a year of renewal, if only I would let it. In typical Monet fashion, I’ve put off some major decisions until they’ve become minor crisis. Every morning, I’ve been looking in the mirror and telling myself to “Choose now and live with the consequences”. I started the year by making a long list of things I’d like to accomplish, not necessarily this year, but in life. And when that list was done, I made another list, this one of regrets, true regrets, those things I wake up still thinking about five, six, seven years later. And once I’d completed the regrets list, I really dug into them by asking myself “Why did I do that?” And what all of those bad decisions came down to was my terrible habit of being indecisive.

All this to say, I need to cut off my hair*. IMG_0113 Continue reading

See Ya, 2014: Another List

I heard someone say that lists were annoying, like those end-of-year lists or the ones that comprise a lot of Buzzfeed. But hasn’t this been the year of Buzzfeed? So, a few someones must enjoy a good countdown. And as much as lists require ten times less attention than a well-written essay, they are so wonderfully tidy. So I made one, too, for this blog, because I can. Here’s my top 5 favorite post thus far. Happy New Year and thanks so much for reading.

5. Prince & Patrice Do Hollywood — Once my brother and I reached California, we took a side trip to LA for the day. With no plan, we wandered into one of the funniest days of my life.  Continue reading