This is just to say if you had plans to see Jupiter Ascending, *Spoiler* I recommend finding a viewing establishment that offers adult beverages. Don’t skimp, go for the pitcher or the double of Jack Daniels. You’ll be happy you did when Channing Tatum explains that he’s half Lycan, which is why he needs to find a pack. If you’re the kind of person who eats her emotions, get some popcorn, or nachos, because you’re going to feel a lot during this movie. Disbelief will make you ravenous. Save a bit of drink to toast Sean Bean, who survives through an entire production. Enjoy the fact that Eddie Redmayne is at a ten on the acting scale while his cast mates rarely hit a six. Relish the chuckles of your fellow movie-goers as each scene tops the last in ridiculousness. Leave knowing that for days, maybe weeks later, you’ll laugh to yourself and know that was money well-spent.