Prince & Patrice Do Hollywood

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  1. The only request Jumaane had for this trip was to visit LA.
  2. The weather would be the best on this day than any other day while Jumaane was in town.
  3. Monet thought she could type in things like “Hollywood Walk of Fame” & “Chinatown” & “Hollywood Sign” into her iPhone’s Maps app.
  4. They drove in circles.
  5. Monet had her first cronut.
  6. California is not a place for timid drivers.
  7. Monet is not timid driver.
  8. They tried their damnedest to not look like tourists, but at every street corner someone offered them a van tour of  Hollywood.
  9. Monet’s phone died within ten minutes of parking in downtown LA.
  10. When she went to buy a charger, the man behind the counter took all the change from her wallet. Instead of giving her change back, he gave her an extra dollar.
  11. The change in the wallet did not equal the change the man needed.
  12. A man with a British accent sold them on a bus tour.
  13. A man with a British accent sold Monet on the bus tour. Her brother was skeptical.
  14. The famous Chinese Theater was mobbed.
  15. The famous Chinese Theater was shabby.
  16. Jumaane and Monet escaped into a Baja Fresh and shared nachos.
  17. On the way back to the van tour, they passed a man whose face was completely covered in piercings.
  18. Both Monet and Jumaane had been prepared to run.
  19. The van was partially full when Jumaane and Monet walked up. There were three seats and four people waiting.
  20. Monet and Jumaane assumed the stances of two people who would not be fucked with.
  21. Monet and Jumaane took the last two seats and eavesdropped as the other couple was talked into taking a later tour.
  22. The van consisted of a family of Brazilians in the back row, three Swiss women in front of them, a troupe of Canadians between them and Monet and Jumaane. The father of the Brazilians sat shotgun to the tour guide/driver.
  23. It was immediately clear that the tour guide had a crush on Jumaane.
  24. He took every opportunity to tell him about the “Light of His Presence”.
  25. He ignored Monet completely.
  26. Monet was deeply amused.
  27. Jumaane thought he was being invited to a group photo with the Brazilians, but he was not.
  28. The tour guide claimed to be a photographer who worked on famous Vanity Fair shoots. He pointed out houses that had been used for sets.
  29. Jumaane was properly impressed. Monet was not.
  30. The tour hit many famous landmarks, but was especially heavy on celebrity houses, which Monet didn’t care for, but that Jumaane enjoyed.
  31. Monet did feel a guilty thrill when the tour guide announced they’d crossed into the 90210 zip code.
  32. She wished her phone hadn’t died when they drove down Rodeo Dr.
  33. Both Jumaane and Monet were subdued after passing the Hilton where Whitney Houston died.
  34. The tops of Monet’s thighs were crisped like bacon.
  35. Two guys in a Corvette honked at Jumaane, as they stood at a light.
  36. It was Jumaane’s day.



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